The hardest words.

The hardest words to say and hear in any language are the following:

1. I need your help.

2. I wish we could talk about this.

3. I am leaving you.

4. I am sorry.

Four sentences no-one wants to say or hear. No matter your station in life, these are statements which indicate "failure".

Personal, relationship, business, and every other aspect of your life.

A good friend will give you the age-old wisdom. Let it rain. Remove your sensual desire/ obsession. Embrace and cultivate the following habits:

Brutal truths. Wish they were kinder.

This whole idea of "go hard or go home!" is causing anxiety and its little friends to come and play. Taking up the space in your mind. It's advertising that you have a stranger in your pool, wanting to join the community. Living in my country, we all know the game. Give a pinkie, and they'll drag you down. Not mermaids, just sirens.

A sunny Sunday afternoon? More like a blister in the sun. - yes, that was a music reference. See "Violent Femmes".

My mermaid tale / tail. A "comedy"

There once lived a girl. A brilliant kid - Top academic achiever. Strong athlete. She was not aware she shone. Not a pretty girl, but she had a certain quality. She embodied innocence, and curiosity. She was kind. She understood. Never a snitch, she took confessions. Kept her own counsel and opinion to herself.

This is where Hope became Subhuman.

One day she was called into the headmaster's office and accused of being disrespectful during the daily "prayer" - she was not, she just kept her eyes open. She knew even then that closing your eyes, meant trusting strange people.

And she was right. After waiting two hours, the door opened. She entered. She heard a lock turn. So. she erred.

By now you know this is not a fun story...but it ends so good*

"Why" he asked, scoffing at her.

"Sir, with respect, I believe in a higher power, and it is not you."

(Thinking to herself...trouble. I should not have made that statement - the one about how everyone believes in God, they just call Him a different name. Jesus is Buddha, the Son is Muhammed, the wisdom is in the waves, the wind, the air, sun, fire, and wood. Me having a Zen mind at age 15. Called my minister a "hypocrite". Later my mother told me what he confessed to her: "She's not wrong!" - such a "gladde bek" I had).

"You are being disrespectful" he cautioned her.

"And you are out of line. Sir." At which point she kicked back the chair and slammed both hands on the table. Just wishing that door would open. Looking for a hairpin.

So, poetry in motion. In slow motion in my mind.

Not delayed onset PTSD. Not ADHD. Not a diagnosis. It's life, roll with the punches. Eat healthily. Drink water. That H2O keeps you in the game. Just remember to put down the glass. Arms were not designed to hold the bottle for prolonged periods of time. There's only one bottle you can fall into and it's not a soft drink.

See the four J's - Jack Daniels, Jameson, Johnny Walker, Jägermeister. Avoid the 4 J's.

This is not my vengeance. It is theirs. I'm just the bullet. I know it's not okay. Life happens. It's all in how you CHOOSE TO RESPOND. Sometimes the best reaction is not reacting. Choosing your life over theirs.

Still, promises have been made. Promise to protect, love, heal and watch your back. To the kids I taught. To my family, friends, and mini lovers. I have not and will never forget - but please remind me. You need a steely grip to pull you from the tar pit? I will do my best. My best is always on point. That grip never weakens. I get tired and bruised, but I'll never refuse.

Doing what I can, for us. We are stronger together and I need you.

I think we can agree on one thing. Being cherished, and learning what you need (not what you want!) is not just a mindset. It's a lifestyle. Not always easy, but better than "faking it".

So will I "fake it 'till I make it?' Only time will tell, never could be bothered before and that seemed to work. Why change now when I've grown used to ridicule?

I reign this web.

On a positive note: Happy Valentine's Day. Lovers play. Men love her. Women support your men. They do try. (Or so I hear). Enjoy a picnic in the living room, cuddle, have fun. Make it last. 4ever and a day. Just accept the craziest day. (No one expects roses - they're overpriced! Wildflowers from around the world will be brilliant!)

Whoops just remembered I've got a "fake wedding" to plan and photograph and film.

Me? I'll see you at an Indian/ Greek/ Hebrew wedding in Las Vegas. Followed by a pagan ceremony under water. (A woman can dream!)

Go, be beautiful!!

Remember to keep moving

Resigner💜

Postscript:

And a shout out to my virtual valentine. (Yes, the one I had to ask...go figure!) Got twenty other people asking, but the one I want ;-)

Seriously, I do not bite! (Well, I do, but I do not draw blood.) That's why we're eating steak at some point. Before, after, during?

Finally, I need to say the hardest words are still "Goodbye". The one we do not always get to say, instead I will "farewell".

'Fare thee well friends'. I do cherish you for your soul, it is and always will be "iconic" and my inspiration to be a better person. You once called me "rare". I still think you will always shine.

Any advice for this punk-savage? Let me know!

#justmoveforward