Endless loops.

It is in our nature to be attracted to art. Unfortunately it is in also in our nature to get stuck on labels, memories, and all things best forgotten. We are all our worst enemies, but we cannot change the past.

At least the circus is always hiring. Just a thought?

Fighting fire with fire.

~ a short story

He looked into the depths of my mind. His mouth twisted, as if he had just swallowed something sour.

"That's what you get for meddling in my affairs" I thought to myself. In fact, the whole experience was a total clusterf*** from the beginning. For one, he had the wrong diagnosis (ten minutes in a room just a few meters from where I had been lying in a coma). Then came the medications, countless little bitter packets I was forced to swallow.

End result; I lost my most precious possession. Plus a few other abilities. Like walking and talking and generally feeling good.

No, I decided. You, doctor, will never see the content of my mind. Thus begun our game of chess. In the beginning I let him win. Time and time again. He'd already dulled my eyes, so I had no fear of what he would see in them. A mirror image of himself, no doubt.

With my mind moving very slowly, an inner voice was roaring in my head. Get off this merry-go-round! Get off and get off now. So, I did. This is why I am still here and he is not. (Don't worry, he's alive and well - just somewhere so far away that even my lawyers cannot trace him). Let's just say I doubt that he has a blooming medical practice.

All that time I spent waiting in line, leaning against the walls in boredom, waiting for my name to be called: I was stalling and so was he.

That's when I realized. Not only was he a villain, he was a coward.

And in my story, cowards die. Always.

In the end it was a short battle, as it always is with cowards.

I never even revealed my Queen. Sunglasses and headphones were my weapons.

"So, why are we here today?" he asked, a bit too casually for my liking. I reminded him that, for the second time that week he had called me. Well, not him, he's sloven secretary actually made the phone call.

"You saw me on Monday" I reminded him. "Oh, but I did not have your file then" was his feeble excuse.

"Not suffering from memory loss, are you doc?" I teased him gently. Knowing full well that he probably was. I mean, what's a girl to do with her meds, when she needs to dispose of them? Especially when her psychiatrist was in the habit of leaving his coffee mug lying around.

So maybe I was wrong. Apparently I was a "bit off" at the time. Deviant enough to take revenge, proud enough to not go too far. However, that was not our final session.

The last time I walked in there, foul-tempered yet swift. I did not wait to be called, did not wait till closing time. The two ladies who tried to stop me - well, they caught a look in my eye.

I gently knocked on his door and opened it, to his surprise all I did was to swivel his computer screen to a very surprised patient and told her that the doctor REALLY could not help her.

Then I left. Needless to say I had made an impression.

Thus far, I've never had to chase anyone down. It's a waiting game, and this lioness is playing with daisies. Hunger, I have it. I've always had it.

See, some of these loops come with lessons. Lessons in how to survive in this circus we call "modern society" - as if anything is ever really new?

Resigner💜

* please note that the best stories are written from a place of truth. Mostly uncomfortable truths. The story is king, the lines between fiction and reality are blurry.

As always, I wish you well dear reader. May the sun shine a little bit brighter and the time pass a little slower.

(✿◕‿◕✿)

🪝Blinkers off, we're not just Fighting in the dark. For now, we're just having some fun.

#justmoveforward with https://resignerluth.space